So for two days I sat on the idea and finally figured out what I think is happening.
I don't miss you.
It feels really good to be able to say that and know that it's the truth.
I miss intimacy. I'm not talking about sex.
Webster's defines it as "something of a personal or private nature."
Wikipedia claims it to be "the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together." (personally, i think the second half of that is pretty dead-on)
And of course because it's one of my favorite websites and inventions ever....Urbandictionary.com defines it as: a euphemism for having sex, the example given was "Assuming that both parties are into it, intimacy is the one time when peeps like to have their personal space invaded". Well done Urbandictionary, but only thanks to the example.
I'm talking about:
-laying next to someone and just feeling close to them
-a hand on my hip out of concern for my safety or guiding me in a better direction
-just knowing someone else is there that cares about you, they can be on the other side of the room but with just a warm glance you feel it
-a warm hand resting on my leg during a movie
-spooning...but not just because you are in bed together and feel you should...because it just happens, your bodies just fit that way and you feel at peace once you get into that position
-connecting mentally with someone, completely differently than you can connect with everyone else in the room, this person just "gets" you
-being able to tell someone something with just your eyes
-comfort....(and this is debatable by many people) but i enjoy the maximum amount of comfort..I'm talking peeing with the door open talking about your day kinda comfort, showering together and washing each other's back without even asking, just outta habit kinda comfort
-having someone know how you feel that day without you even telling them, and oftentimes without you knowing it yourself (example-giving you a hug when you didn't even know you needed it or picking up the slack around the house when you're a bit overwhelmed)
There are a million other things I can think of and will probably post more as I do.
So..Intimacy... (in the words of incubus)
"would i be out of line if i said, i miss you?"